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When I got back to my desk to resume the daily work, I mentally reassessed what happened. I wasn't prepared! Yes, I know...I can see some of you trying to hand me your copy of Stanislavski's "An Actor Prepares". I'll generously wave that down, as I have a copy of it myself. I planned on going tomorrow but instead I was convince by the lovely equity audition moderator to go ahead and swing in today. In retrospect, I should have waited.I was 3/4 through my monologue when suddenly...BLANK--my throat felt constricted, my palms started to sweat up (believe it or not, I was pretty calm walking in there) and the hairs on my back stood on ends. How could this be?! I've recited/experienced this monologue many times over the past few weeks. Then I realized the key ingredient. This was the FIRST time I've ever performed it to anyone. Oi vey.
If I feel I absolutely must dwell on a poor performance at an audition, I'm in the habit of only allowing myself five to ten minutes, tops. In this case, it rested on my head, chest, abdomen, thighs--gah, everywhere, for a solid two hours. The fact that I work here and that I see and hold conversations with Bruce, our casting director must have confused the butterflies in my stomach to, instead of perform aerial ballet, kamakazi into my stomach lining. It felt weird! To say the least.
The two hours are up, it's time to move on and knock another down for experience, even if it was a smidgen bit embarrassing.
2 comments:
i know it's tough not to be hard on yourself, but remember this, you did it... you actually auditioned! that takes a lot of nerve, especially since you see and talk to bruce on a regular basis.
I can't even work up the nerve to really talk to him, so, really, you rock!
That actually reminds me of a similar experience I had in Larry's acting class. I think it was the last time we were practicing our monologues in class before the final monologue presentation. I totally blanked out at one point—I actually think it was the last part, too!
In any case, props to you for auditioning at the Rep! Just don't take it too hard... I'm sure you learned from this experience and you will only get better! =)
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